Homework...we dont need no stinking homework...vamanos!

Alex...I'll take phrases that will never come out of Sterlings' mouth for $100 please!
Answer...yes dad, I know EXACTLY what all my homework assignments are...AND they are done. As a matter of fact, I got A's on all of them and the corresponding tests!
OR...Yes, I know PRECISELY where it is!
OR...Ya know...I wish I had MORE homework. These 3 questions I answered in only 1 minute were far too easy! Gosh I love homework.
OR...
You get the Idea.
Sunday night, 5 minutes after bedtime, Sterling gets out of bed to give me his pre-progress report.
D D C- C B+
I didn't sleep too peacefully that night.
Next day, he called me an hour after school started to tell me he had a headache and to come and get him. But that is another story.
At home, we sat in front of the computer and looked at his online grades and their corresponding missing assignments. 15 of them in math. (guess the grade in that class)
It was decided that instead of getting off the bus, dropping off his backpack, grabbing his skateboard and running off until dinner, we would discuss his school day. Details would include what happened in each class, what's due, assignments and homework. I thought this would spur him in the ass enough to remember to turn in the homework as well.

After that conversation, I would review the online assignment page daily. Each day, homework was turned in. SWEET! Maybe my plan will work!
Flash forward one week. Actually four days as no school on Friday.
AAAAAGGGHHHH!
Online again and TWO ASSIGNMENTS NOT TURNED IN! Also, there was a weekly reading report due THAT I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT AS I WASN'T TOLD! In total...three assignments not turned in. Toss in the C on a history test and the C in math and I was thrilled!
He claimed to have done the two assignments...initially. One was done and turned in...no wait...done but must have been dropped on the floor in class and then someone must have found it and thrown it out. EFFING REALLY. In my day we just said the dog ate it! Who actually says, "it must have been dropped on the floor in class and then someone must have found it and thrown it out?"
For whatever reason, I thought the poor grades and a big grumpy dad breathing down his neck would be enough. Wait...this is MY son. i.e. read any of the other stories.
sigh!
I have since grounded Sterling, looked at him menacingly, emailed four different teachers, (one four times) found out that his daily planner has almost nothing in it, yelled, discovered his backpack is a train wreck, growled, taken his cell phone and eliminated all electronics, started his nightly 20 mins of reading with journal entries, talked to him about the importance of getting an education and wanting to get GOOD grades and lost more hair from the top of my head and the others are slowly getting grayer!
(I knew the backpack was unorganized. I just wanted to add it to the rant.)
(No...I didn't look at him menacingly or yell. I just added those for effect...I did growl tho)
While I know this won't be the end of it...I hope it gets better.
sigh