Responsibility 101

Sterling had another belt test. Yes, he gained another color belt. He is now half way to his black belt.
After the last belt test, Sterling asked me if I thought he deserved to belt up. He struggled through it and wasn't confident. We discussed it later that night and decided that the NEXT belt test would be different.
RIIIIIGHT!
Six days before his purple belt test we started getting organized. We went into class and he asked the instructor to help him with a certain "form" that was giving him problems.
When we got home from taekwondo, I went to the computer and printed out the information he would need for his two minute oral presentation. I handed it to him and he read it. We then talked about what he would need to say.
Next day we practiced, at home, some of his kicking combinations. (these would also be on his test.) He kicked me in the nuts, accidentally, thank you very much.
The following day he had taekwondo practice. This is also the day his mom picks him up and keeps him until Saturday...the day of the test. Before he left, we discussed how the instructor would help him and how each evening he would practice his oral presentation.
Planning...this is about the only way I can help him when he is at his mothers. Whether or not he follows through with the plan is another story. I called him up each evening to make sure he was doing SOMETHING for the test.
I picked him up Saturday morning at 10am. BELT TEST IN 5 HOURS.
As I work on Saturdays, I take him to my mothers house. En route to ma's I asked him where his presentation notes were. He thought for a second and replied..."the notes are half-way done and on the dinner table at my moms."

(For the remainder of this story, for speed of reading purposes. I will eliminate my quoted curse words. When you see (*)...know that the F word and other, choice words came out of my mouth.)

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When we got to my ma's, straight to the computer we went. He downloaded the info again.
Sitting in a chair, enjoying a cup of coffee...I thought of all the items I saw Sterling load into my car, from his mothers. I hadn't seen a taekwondo belt.
"Where's your belt, boy"
"Right here." Sterling began looking and couldn't find it. "It must be at my mom's."
**
Face in a scowl and lips pressed tightly together I asked, "where's your house key?"
"In the top zipper compartment in my backpack."
"Show me." I said.
He rummaged thru his pack and found nothing. Second week in a row, I might add.
"It has to be at my moms." He announced.
***

Off to work I went, leaving instructions to go to his moms and get both the belt and key.
A couple hours passed and I left work to watch the belt test. I called my ma to make sure they arrived and they had everything they needed.
No.
Sterling was supposed to wear his FORMAL shirt.
***
I didn't know this. I'm sure he did. We talked about it a couple days before the test. He said he didn't want to wear it. It made him too hot. Now my ma was headed back to her house (15 mins away) to get it.
I arrived at 3:03. Three minutes late. I saw my ex-wife and Sterling. My ma wasn't back yet. When Sterling saw me he ran up to me.
"Dad, do you have my sparring stuff in the trunk of your car?"
I stared at him as blankly as I could.
"I take that as a no" he said.
Back to the car.
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Fifteen minutes to my house. Into his room. I couldn't find all of it. Of course I couldn't. When finished looking, the room looked as if Katrina had hit it...twice.
"Serves him right" escaped my lips. Back to the belt test.
Upon pulling into the parking lot, I was met by my ex. They had pieced together parts of different peoples sparring gear. Enough to almost give Sterling a complete uni. He was, tho, laying on the ground, red faced and sweaty. He had not followed instruction somewhere in the first 30 minutes of the belt test that I missed. The instructor had Sterling doing 200 pushups.
Awesome.

He passed. He did very well. The things he had practiced he did better on than kids with a higher ranking belt. His oral presentation was given in front of the parents. (this was a change. Usually it's given in front of the instructor only. A little bit of punishment for not having gear, uniform and not following instruction.)

We got home and I began teasing him about forgetting everything. The oral presentation, his belt, his key, the uni, the sparring gear.
This is where he started getting upset. He knew it was bad he forgot everything. He doesn't like it when I tease him...WHEN HE'S MADE A MISTAKE.

Into his room he went.
Before I continue, I'll tell you that he was exhausted. Probably stayed up late the night before. The anticipation of the belt test. Stressed by this and the fact that his dad can yell cuss words very loudly AND two hundred pushups on top of sparring and kicking and running.

He came out of the room and barked at me. "You gotta be kidding me."
"WHAT!" I barked back. Angrily striding towards him, "WHAT! YOU FORGOT YOUR ***** SPARRING GEAR...THAT I HAD TO GO BACK AND GET...THEN COME BACK TO THE TEST AND YOU YELL AT ME FOR MESSING UP YOUR ***** ROOM?"
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I quickly began calming myself down but staring at him the whole time.


Sometimes I don't know if I am setting unrealistic goals for him or not. I just want him to be responsible. Today he was not. Today he failed miserably.
It'll sink in. I know it will.
It will be a fun journey. Years from now we'll laugh about it.
Today I curse...Tomorrow we'll laugh.